Here I’ll Stay.

I get questions all the time from people back at home in Estonia… Is Estonia no longer your home? Are you going to be British now? Are you ever going to come back to Estonia to live here permanently? It’s all a little bit weird for me because to me, Estonia is and always will be my home. It is where I grew up, it is where my family lives, it is the language I speak and it has made me the person I am today. Although I am currently living in the United Kingdom and it was my life-long dream, it doesn’t make Estonia and my family home any less my home.

When I was back at home in Estonia about a week ago, I went to the 12th Youth Song and Dance Celebration called Here I’ll Stay, which really made me proud of where I am from. It reminded me what our little country has gone through to be independent and what a big role every person in Estonia has had in this. Thousands of people singing and dancing together, laughing together. The rest of the world might see Estonians as quite ‘cold’ people but during that event, you could only feel warmth and love.

I’ll always be proud of where I’m from. And one day I’d love to move back to my little country again after travelling the rest of the world. And then I can say ‘Here I’ll stay’.

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– Helina x

Here I’ll Stay.

Moving House.

Hello everyone! To most of you, this blog post won’t be that different. But for me life has completely transformed. I’ve moved house! I’m still in the United Kingdom but as I just finished my Bachelors Degree at University College Birmingham, I had to move out of my student accommodation. I’ve lived in student accommodation for three years and I can definitely say that’s enough for me. My future is now in Loughborough, where I will be studying for a Masters Degree in International Management.

And because my boyfriend is also a student at Loughborough University studying Civil Engineering, we thought why don’t both of us move out of student accommodation and rent a whole house for ourselves instead?

So here I am, sat on the floor of our living room (because I can’t find my long laptop charger and the plug is too far from the couch), hotspotting data from my phone (since we still don’t have any Wi-Fi), and thinking of how lucky I am.

When I first moved to England, I had no idea that I would end up in Loughborough. I wouldn’t even have dreamt of living in a house with someone I love after my Bachelors Degree. But here I am, happier than ever.

For the past few days, we’ve been putting together furniture and I can honestly tell you that putting together IKEA furniture is far harder than you think. If you think you can put together 10 big pieces of furniture in one day, think again. It’s taken us around 2-3 days to put together all furniture, we’ve had numerous nights of staying up until 5 am but it has been so worth it. I finally feel like home in England. It used to feel kind of like a stop along the way of my journey, but now it finally feels official. I live in the United Kingdom. Who would’ve ever guessed that. I cannot even express how happy I am. My lifelong dream has finally come true at the age of 22, and this is just the first step of my journey. I have so many more hopes and dreams, so many places still visit and so many experiences to still go through. I am so excited for everything that the future holds, and this is just the beginning.

So what’s better about living in a house rather than in student accommodation? Well, here’s a shortlist I can make in two minutes flat:

  1. No noise. Yes, neighbours can be noisy but we are quite lucky as so far we haven’t heard anything at all. It’s so nice to finally have peace and quiet.
  2. No parties. This kind of goes together with the first point but this also means that you can sleep whenever without anyone waking you up in the middle of the night. And this I’m so happy about!
  3. CLEAN KITCHEN / LIVING ROOM! Now this is by far my favourite thing about living in our own house. No filthy food in the sink, no mountains of unwashed dishes, no someone’s week-old leftovers, no stinky fridge, no oily cookers, no mess. I honestly cannot express to you how disgusting living with 10 people gets, especially when you like everything clean and tidy. I feel a thousand times more motivated and happy now that I don’t have to walk through a dirty kitchen every day. YAY!
  4. SO MUCH SPACE! Another very important part is the space. In student accommodation I had 2 little cupboards that barely fit any food inside. Plus, in the fridge I had just half a shelf as well as one shelf in the freezer. Now we’ve got the whole fridge and freezer to ourselves. There’s just something about having all that space to ourselves and knowing we are keeping it clean – not just throwing our leftovers in it.
  5. Just us. In our house, it’s just us. I honestly appreciate alone time so much. Most of the time in student accommodation, I’d run to the kitchen, cook something quickly, run back to my room, put my headphones in and ignore the world haha. Now, there’s just no need. Some of you might like having people around constantly but not me.

Overall, living in our own little house is amazing. We are only getting started with all the decorating but it already feels like home. I hope you guys are having a lovely time enjoying your time off from university, but life’s too short to waste days on doing nothing. Do what I did and make at least one of your dreams come true this summer.

Be kind, be humble, make it happen.

– Helina x

Moving House.

Trust.

Trust can be a funny thing. Some might say it’s an emotion. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, “to trust is to believe that someone is good and honest and will not harm you.” Trust does heavily rely on feelings and therefore it affects our emotions. Trust is important in all types of relationships in our lives, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, anyone. Trust is earned. Trust does not just pop up overnight like a Twitter notification. You don’t instantly start trusting your friend not to tell others your secrets and your partner to always treat you right. It happens overtime by learning more about each other. By building the relationship between each other. When I trust the people in my life, I don’t ever even second guess it. If I trust someone, I do so completely and utterly. I don’t go around trying to dig deep to find something. I don’t go searching for anything because once you trust someone, this wouldn’t even come to mind.

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However, if you were to find out that someone has betrayed your trust, it gets tricky. Some people seem to think that it’s easy to trust that person again and be 100% normal with them, but it’s a bit harder than that. Especially when you trusted them so completely that you would’ve never even guessed it. It’s even worse if they do something that affects how much (or little) you trust them again. So if you’re the person that’s messed up and you want to regain someone’s trust again… here’s what you should do. There’s not guarantee that this will help, but it’s always better to try and fail than to never try at all.

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1. Show them that you’re sorry.

If you treat it like an issue that’s not really that important, it will make the person feel like you don’t even care. So what’s the point of them even investing their feelings and emotions in you again? So make sure you’re sincerely sorry for whatever you did and make sure they know that. It always helps to apologise right away instead of arguing and making each other more upset. Sometimes an apology from the bottom of your heart that comes right away is all it takes.

2. Be kind.

Don’t get angry at them for not trusting you. I know this might just be an instant reaction but don’t do it. That’s just not going to help, at all. I’ve had instances in my life where the people betraying my trust got upset with me for not trusting them right away and even shifting the blame on me. This will just make matters worse. Be kind, be understanding. Don’t bring out past issues, don’t shift the blame. Be nice and accept it if you did something wrong.

3. Show them that they can trust you again.

Invest some of your feelings in them. Perhaps tell them something about you that nobody knows. Show them that you trust them just as much as they should trust you. Don’t repeat your mistakes. Don’t do things that would make them paranoid. Show them that you can be trusted and sooner or later they will.

Of course, you can’t always please everyone and you shouldn’t waste your whole life trying to prove yourself to someone.  But if you show them you’re sorry, that you’re kind to them and that you show them you can be trusted again, you won’t have to waste years to get their trust back. Trust is earned and if you treat people right, they will treat you right back.

Be kind, be humble.

– Helina x

Trust.

Growing apart…

There are so many friendships and relationships that just completely disappear. You see the person you used to be best friends with and you greet each other like you would greet just another acquaintance. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes we don’t even think about it. The disappearance of a friendship might be the best or worst thing that’s ever happened. Especially when the friendship meant a lot to you.

I have had my fair share of friendships as I’m 22 years old and when you are little you gain new friendships every day. There are some that I can’t even really remember but there are some that I sometimes look back on. I’m not going to name any names but the people reading this will know if it’s about them. I’ve only got good things to say about you so don’t worry haha!

My first proper friendship started in kindergarten. We were in the same group and we were inseparable. We ended up going to the same school TWICE in a row (1-4th grade in one school and 5-12th in another). I think we drifted apart when we got accepted to the new school where we spent our 5th-12th grade. It didn’t happen suddenly, I think it just happened over time. We made new friends and then we really never spoke again or visited each other again. I still remember her room and the garden where we used to hang out and it’s only good memories. It was nice to have someone to walk through life with, to apply to schools with and to just have fun with. I hope you know that you were one of the most important friends in my life.

Another best friend I had was as in love with Romeo & Juliet as I was. We cut out tops from bedsheets to make Romeo & Juliet fandom shirts. They were pretty horrible, but we loved them and I’m pretty sure I still have them stored somewhere. We would stay over at each other’s and stay up all night dancing and singing and just being ridiculous. That was one of the most fun friendships of my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Sometimes it’s not just friendships that grow apart, it can be family members that you just don’t talk to anymore that often. Me & my brother used to be quite close. Although we argued (like brothers and sisters do), I knew he was my rock and I could always count on him. I remember one time that I got driven over by a motorcycle (I think it was attempting a backflip off my back or something ridiculous) and the first person I called to pick me up was my brother. Now he has his own family because he’s quite a bit older than me but I hope he knows that I love and miss him a lot, although we don’t speak that often anymore (look at us silly billies on the picture below, we are totally ridiculous but also very happy haha).

There are other friendships that I’m also sad that ended but if I talked about all of them, I would have to stay here typing all day and you’d basically be reading a book!

Growing apart doesn’t mean not caring. These people are still very important in my life. And I have the most amazing friends in my life now that I will make sure I will annoy for the rest of my life.

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– Helina x

Growing apart…